


The Monster in the Man.

by stormie92



Category: The Strain (TV)
Genre: Death, F/M, Hanging, Hate, Love, Mask, Monster - Freeform, hung, jew, tree - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:37:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormie92/pseuds/stormie92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas realizes the truth after a series of nightmares. He is no man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monster in the Man.

In my dreams I relive the moment you left and I scream out your name as you walk away from me. "No, I did not mean it like that! Helga, please?" You ignore me and disappear into the night. I then see your pale lifeless body swinging from the rope that they had hung you from and I cringe as I try to regain my composure. Yet in my dreams you are not dead . . . Your bloodshot eyes flicker open and they set upon me. Your voice breaks as you speak "Thomas . . . you did this to me. You killed me. And one day you will get yours."  
I awaken with a jolt and glance around my empty bedroom. I sigh softly as I get off the bed and walk into my bathroom to splash cold water on my face. Glancing in the mirror I try to smile. I try to remind myself that it was just a bad dream and that there was nothing I could do to save you. After all, had I told them that I was involve with a Jew, I too would have been put to death. And YOU had left me first. "I had no obligations to her. Stop overthinking it! It would have never worked. Besides, I was not the one who hung her!" I rub between my nose and walk into the kitchen to get myself something to drink. Anything to numb myself and block out the nightmares. I curse her face for haunting my dreams and deep within me a part curses the Third Reich. However, I am now important and could have anyone I desire. I am no longer made fun of for not being as good as the other men because now I am better than they were. I am better. This I no longer doubt.  
The Third Reich is beginning to spiral downwards as the Russians and Americans advance. Hitler says that they will not take Germany and that the pure Germans will overcome any of the advances. I now work at a death camp and I no longer care about the deaths of the Jewish scum. They are of no importance to me. They are the reason this war began and once their kind is exterminated everything will be perfect. A utopia. We soldiers believe in the Fuhrer and all that he offers. Hitler will lead us into greatness. Within the few minutes it took me to write this a few thousand Jews have been killed and sent to the crematorium at my order.  
It is late. I drink until I fall asleep but my slumber does not last long. I wake up and pounce off the bed as I see someone or something standing in the corner of my room. It's glowing red eyes glare at me from across the room as it speaks in a demonic and distorted voice.  
"Sturmbannführer Eichhorst."  
My eyes grew wide as I replied "Who are you? How do you know my name?"  
"I know all. You show great talent and are what I need for my army. The German forces will lose the war. All will be put to death."  
"Lies!" I yell "Who are you?"  
The creature moves faster than light in my direction and slams me against the wall. "Do NOT call me a liar. To you I am a master greater than Hitler himself. I am greater than God! Now listen, Sturmbannführer."  
I rest on the floor as I listen to the Master speak. He tells me of the past, present and future. He speaks of the strigoi, the legends and how he will change the world. I am convince and I beg to serve him. First, he has to see how committed I will become. I must build or force someone to build a coffin for him. I have no talent for woodworking so I know what I must do. After all, there are tons of Jews in the camps who may have some sort of talent. He leaves me with a feeling of hope and desire, both things I have not felt for awhile now. I go back to sleep but sadly my dreams do not reflect how I wish I truly felt. Instead of pleasant dreams of what could be I see you again, Helga. "God, how I wish you would stop" I plead with you. Blood begins to run from your eyes as you speak "You did this, Tommy . . . you killed me."  
"Stop!" I scream at you while I turn to walk away.  
"You are not a man" your voice breaks "you thought you could love me, but you turned me away."  
I spin around and walk to where you hang "I did NO such thing! I had no idea that this is what would happen. How dare you blame me for such things?"  
I am now within her reach and her arms outstretch as she brushes her cold, pale hands across my face. She whispers very softly "I could never have loved a monster". My eyes burst open as I feel tears begin to slide down my face. Her words in my dream echo through my mind as I stand up to walk into the bathroom. "I could never love a monster".  
I glance into the mirror and I question the man who stands before me. "How I curse these human feelings" I mutter under my breath.  
I walk around the camp as I observe and make sure that the others are doing their jobs correctly. Behind me someone screams my name and asks me to stop.  
"Sir, we found this in one of the Jews beds. He was hiding it" the man says as he hands me a piece of craved wood in the shape of a mask.  
"Danke, Private Waltz" I reply as I observe the work of art. "Not bad, for a Jew". I walk to where the Private had found it and tell the Jews in the barrack to line up. I yell at them as I ask who made this and none step forward. "Fine, if that is the way it will be" I take out my gun and shoot one of the Jews. "Shall I do another?"  
Softly I hear a "It was me".  
"Speak louder."  
"It was me. I made it" He steps forward and rolls up his sleeve.  
"A-230385. Come with me, now." We walk down into a wood shop and I tell him what I need to be done. "Can you do this?"  
"Yes, sir . . . I can. I . . . may I ask a question?"  
I hesitate but allow him to speak freely.  
"You do know what this is for, yes?"  
"I know what it is for. Otherwise, I would not have requested you to make it! Now, don't question my authority and get to work, swine!" I turn and lock the metal doors together so he could not escape during the times he'd be alone. I walk slowly to my car and get inside. As I sit I close my eyes and take deep breaths in. "I need to get some rest" I say to no one "I have hardly slept . . ." I feel myself dozing off in my car and a part of me wishes I wouldn't because I know when I close my eyes, I would be haunted again.  
I am standing on wooden trap door and around my neck is a noose. In front of me thousands of people stand and they glare at me with such hatred. A faint but recognizable voice is heard in the distance repeating the words "Swine. Jew hater. Killer. Nazi. Monster." I search the crowd until I find her. Her bloodshot eyes set upon me as the blood still runs down her cheeks and drips onto her dress, her blonde hair messy and her skin paler than ever before. Her voice, still beautiful even in death, repeats the words again. The audience chants along with her and I begin to recognize the faces as other Jews I had seen over the months of working with the Nazi party. They, too, are all dead. A red eyed monstrous sized man with a black cloak covering his face comes up behind me and whispers into my ear "I am your God. I am your salvation" as he pulls the lever and the trap door opens beneath me. I fall through and as the crowd cheers my neck cracks, but I don't yet die. I try to gasp for air but alas I cannot breathe. I feel my eyes start to bulge from the sockets and the pain radiates through my body. For once, I am afraid of death. The crowd disappears before me all expect for one person. Helga. She moves slowly to me in a beautiful, dancer like movement and cups my face with her left hand. Goosebumps form on my skin at her icy cold touch. A smile breaks across her face as a trail of blood pours out of her mouth.  
"Poor Tommy, tell me . . . does it hurt?"  
I wish I could say something but I can't.  
"This is how I too felt. Scared. Except for one difference. . ."  
My vision begins to blurs.  
"Unlike you, I had people who loved me." Her blue eyes darken as she examines my body. "Oh, Tommy . . . I could have loved you. Yet, you chose power over everything and anyone else."  
I pray for death to come to me.  
"Hurts, yes? God, how we will all miss breathing on our own one day." She traces my face with her index finger. "I felt sorry for you . . . I thought you were different. I could have loved you, Tommy."  
I could have loved you too.  
"After you denied me I realized you were just like Hitler and the rest. And it made me see that you and I could never be. For in some ways I was an angel and you? A devil."  
Helga, stop.  
"You are no human.."  
Helga, please.  
"You are a monster."  
Please.  
"And monsters do not deserve to breathe." She takes her hand away from my face as she turns to walk away. My heart starts to slow down and I feel something run from eyes. Blood or tears? Possibly both . . . I hear footsteps behind me and it is the executioner. His eyes burn into my soul as he laughs.  
"I am your light in this darkness" he growls as he cuts the rope and my body falls to the ground with a loud thump. A mist appears and an old bearded man that I do recognize walks out of it holding a silver cane. He looks at the executioner, then down to me as he screams "Sabia mea fredoneaza de argint!" and smiles.  
I open my eyes and for once I truly feel lonely in this world. I finish my rounds at the camp and when I feel as though my job is done I quickly leave to go home. I walk inside, grab some water, some medicine to try and numb my pain. Who am I? What am I? I am made of flesh, bone and blood. Am I not human? Had I only never met Helga I would not be second guessing myself. Then again, had I never met her I would never be the man (monster?) I am today. She made me this way, didn't she? She was the one who walked away from me not the other way around. Then again . . . I always think back to the moment I asked her out. The music. The dinner. And how her lips felt planted against mine. I could have loved her but it would have never worked because she was filthy. My stomach sunk as I spoke aloud "She was a good girl and she did not wish to die". I place my head into my hands and smile as I remember the smell of her perfume, or was it shampoo? Either way, she smelt like a goddess. And she did not deserve to die. Silently I cry as I wish, pray and beg for these human emotions to be taken away. Even though I try to avoid it and place the blame on others, it remains true that I did have something to do with her death. I was the one who agreed with Hitler about their type, and I was the one who turned her away when she needed me most. Had I not cared what others thought I could have gotten her to safety. I could have made her safe. Yet, I did not such thing. I wanted what I thought I could never have. The respect of MY fellow Germans. I finally became someone important. Someone others wished to be. I finally became someone that others could not mock because if they did I could have them sent away with no explanation. And I enjoyed that. I enjoyed their pain, their sufferings, and their pathetic attempts to stay alive.  
I wiped away my tears as I felt my heart and soul begin to grow colder by the minute. I enjoyed my status and I was not going to let one small girl take that away. Her voice echoed through my head "You are just the same, a monster. I could never love a monster" and I shook my head in disagreement.  
"You are wrong, Helga. I will be something better soon once the box for the Master is made. And even in death, you and your kind will fear me" I smile as I stand up. "I could have never loved you. For one day soon I will be who I truly am on the inside. I will be the story people tell their children about at night. I will be the monster I have always been . . . and I will rule the night".


End file.
